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And welcome to another episode of my dramatic love life.
So back to our previous suitor, Mr 23-year-old-online-dude.
Recently we had a huge fight where he said he had enough of being desperate for me.
It may seem that way for him because he's always the one calling me, whereas I text him.
However, he said "it's always me being despo for you, calling and texting you. You never tell me anything." making it sound like I have never texted him back before. WTF? I sent 4 consecutive messages, and I was afraid you'd find it annoying, as most guys do after a while. I don't call you either because I thought hey, maybe you're busy, and you call me when you're free anyway so why not I just wait for your call. It's torture waiting for your calls/texts too you know.
So yeah, we fought, and he brought up the fact that he found someone he liked and that they shared mutual feelings unlike me and him where he's the one being "despo" for me.
I got really upset that day.
I texted him back about my feelings, saying that the only reason why I don't tell him anything is because 1, I don't even know if he's serious about me, so why chance falling for him even harder than I already did? 2, He's popular amongst other girls, so I'd get fucking jealous easily but I didn't want to annoy him with my possessive nature. I've had a bad experience with that towards someone else and that didnt' turn out well.
I said that I'm not gonna force him to stay with me or anything, but it seriously hurts knowing that the guy you like may or may not return the feelings.
Then when he called at night, we talked, and he even said that we should stop this before we get even more hurt than we are now.

Say you love me @
2:02 AM
Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Every single time we fight, it's always the same process.
He gets mad, I get mad, we get quiet, he doesn't wanna talk, I don't wanna talk, then I cry and wait for him to call. Talk about pathetic.
I'm so fucking desperate for his attention, that I sometimes wonder, why the hell am I having such little respect for myself? Why can't I have the guts to just face him and tell him that he's the one who's being a dickhead? Why must I always be the one to wait on him to call and be all apologetic for his temper?
Like just now, he says that Zlense knows that he calls me laopo and I call him laogong. I assured him that Zlense wouldn't say anything, as he most probably forgotten already. Not to mention the fact that it'll be weird for him to refer to us as "a laogong and laopo" kinda thing. Just refer to us by our IGNs. Lol.
Another point is that I had already mentioned that "Something had happened" which led to me and him not going online for so long. Usually the first thing ppl would think of when the girl of a couple mentions that is that it was a fight. So obviously he'd be cautious, no? So it really hurt me that he was bothered by it.
But what hurt me the most was that when I assured him that Zlense wouldnt say anything, he said "No, you dont get it." then when I was a little blur and wanted to know what he meant, he goes all "Fuck, just forget it." I mean, come on. Don't you know that just makes me feel that you think I'm not worth your time for a simple explanation? Lazy? Okay, sure. Next time I'll be "lazy" to tell you what I think. Then you'll just get mad and be like "You never tell me anything! You don't tell me your feelings! This will never work!" sort of argument. Sureeee buddy, go ahead.
Next up, let's refer to my mystery man as Poro. Poro made a character dedicated to me, named "iLoveFT". But whenever he logs into his acc when in his friend's hse, he gets embarrassed. So I told him that he could delete it. Usually what romantics would do is say "No, it's my symbol/dedication or whatthefuckingshitasscheesy noun you could use- for you!" But hah, fairy tales are lies my friend. Sometimes, the princesses don't get what they want. He just said "Even if I delete, need 7 days for it to disappear." So much for dedication, pfft.
Even as I cry and vent my frustrations out here, I know that my feelings haven't changed, that I still love this man no matter how much of a dick he is to me. What a masochist I am.

Say you love me @
2:02 AM