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Hah. It's so dumb.
I have a very strong feeling that he's just playing with me and my feelings.
But why can't I just ignore and cut off all ties with him once and for all?
It's not like he actually asked me out and is serious about dating.
He's so secretive, it kinda pisses me off.
Okay, maybe he's worried that I'm the type of girl that becomes super possessive and stuff, so he doesnt share anything with me.
Either that or he wants the choice of just leaving whenever he wants to. Which comes back to the point of using me for his own entertainment.
I mean like, come on. How often do you see a guy randomly chatting up a girl and start going all serious-relationship on her when he hasn't even met her in person.
Frankly, I dont mind meeting up with him. Really, since I really enjoy talking to him.
Butttt. It still pisses me off that he doesnt trust me enough to tell me anything, not even when I ask if he's working or what time is he coming back.
Damn it. I know I'm just wasting my time, my feelings, my energy, but it's been so long since I had someone care for me that way and someone to look forward to talking to when I get home. He's really sweet at times too. I'm still traumatized in a way for *that* relationship, so I guess it's hard for me too.
Another thing is that he keeps talking like he's gonna leave me very soon. I'm not talking about like "breaking up" kind of leaving, but the *poof* kind of leaving. Like BAM, vanish. Kapoof. Which I really really hate. I get so hurt that I'd cry days for sure. Trust me. I'm that sensitive/emotional.

Sigh. This is why I banned myself from getting emotionally attached to a guy before College/Uni.

Say you love me @
11:31 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Recently I have someone that I kinda like.
A few things that are in the way though.
1. He smokes.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't hate all smokers. I just don't like the thought of being together with someone who inhales and exhales smoke like 5-10 times a day. Not to mention I have asthma. Sigh.
2. He's...flirty?
Calling your gf baby/babe may be normal/sweet, but I can't stand it thinking that you don't really know me, and you're already labelling me with such endearments. Do you do that to every other girl you talk to? Call me possessive, but if I were to have you as my bf, I'd want a loyal one. Not some guy that chats girls up just so that he has many back up girls.
3. He gets bored easily.
Another big problem in a relationship. Having the thought of being dumped/unwanted because you're boring is one of a girls' worst nightmares. Sure, you may be living happily with another person after you dump this girl, but how do you think she'll live her life? Maybe she won't ever get another bf because of it. Hello, traumatizing much.
4. Secretive.
Yeah, we met on the net, and he lives near my block and stuff like that, but whenever I ask about his work or whatnot, he'd avoid the Q. Makes me think he's some shady dude out to harm me or something.

In addition to all this, he just raged at me today, and after he confronted me about it saying "I was playing with you, not really raging", then I'd have to say, I dont want you anywhere near me to 'play' with me. You hurt my feelings so badly. I already got dumped once before because of a 'boring' relationship, and I'd never want to experience that again. Not just that, after we supposedly made up, I just didnt want you to spend money on me, so I told you to spend it for yourself. Is that so wrong? So because of what I said, then you just left the chat like that. Fine. Although I'm hurt like this, I'll just push it aside. My exams are coming up, and I just can't afford to make you sound as if you were my life.

All in all, I dont think this relationship will work out.

Say you love me @
9:08 PM
Tuesday, October 9, 2012