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I'm really tired of being the one to give in.
Always the one apologising.
Always the one saying oh, my bad.
Always the one feeling sad, depressed, hurt.
Yeah, no one told me to feel like this.
No one said I should care.
But I do.
That's what makes me, me.
I thought you understood how I felt.
Looks like I was wrong.
Well, I shouldnt have expected you to anyway.
You're so biased to the ones you like.
If you dislike me, tell me.
I shouldn't waste my efforts to apologise and care for someone who doesnt even feel the same for me.
You cheated my feelings more than once.
Can't believe I fell for it that time.
What a blind ass I was.

Say you love me @
12:59 AM
Monday, March 26, 2012

Yet another friend got pissed at me.
Make that 2.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Damn it.
I didn't know he'd react that way.
Bloody fuck.
I really think I shouldn't talk to him anymore.
All he does is make me feel bad.
Feel like I'm a loser.
Feel like I suck, that I don't deserve anyone.
Well fuck that shit.
I have feelings too you know.
Just cause you felt that way and I had a part to play in it, it doesn't give you the right to hurt my feelings like that either. I apologised deeply.
-Sigh- Whatever. No point stressing over it now.

Say you love me @
11:27 PM
Sunday, March 25, 2012

Every time I find hope in something, someone shatters it.
My health, my expectations, my dreams.
I'm more fortunate than others.
But that doesnt change the fact that I still suffer.
Comparing how much suffering I go through with others, so what.
Just cos they suffer more doesnt mean I dont go through hardships right.

Say you love me @
1:23 AM
Friday, March 16, 2012

Hey, finally posting again.
Today, I'm gonna summarise how much of a douche I've been.
1. I betrayed 2 of my very good friends. Friends that I wouldnt mind putting down my life for. Friends that have been with me when I was feeling down, when I had no one to talk to. I already promised them that we would go out, and I just had to break that promise (in a manner of speaking) because I didnt call to make sure that they had other plans. It was my fault, and they have every right to be angry with me. But, I pray hard that, even though I am such a bloody idiot, that they won't leave me. Without them, I dont think I can hold on any longer. I think I'm running out of time. And I dont want that time to be wasted on things that I regret, things that even idiots know that they shouldnt be doing.
2. I was insensitive to another friend. Telling the world something I ASSUMED was okay. He didnt like it. Maybe even hated it. Yet I still said it. My heart fell when I found out he was pissed. He was like a bro to me, and I just had to be, once again, a bloody idiot.

My life's messed up because of my own mistakes. It ain't anyone's fault. I screw my own life up. I try to make up. Even now, school's a nightmare. I'm someone who overthinks. I get really upset when others are angry at me. My heart's in a lot of pain right now, and I dont know what to do. I'm trying to be strong, but sometimes, I wonder if I am really that strong at all. I dont wanna be emo, I dont wanna cut myself. I'm deemed suicidal, but I know that life is important.

I really dont know what to do.

Being alone is really painful.

Say you love me @
11:42 PM
Thursday, March 15, 2012